Worst Pickup lines ever!

When you date as many prostitutes, strippers, and junkies as I do, it's nice to finally be going out with a classy woman like you!

That Big Mac and fries cost $5.24. That means when we go to my place later you owe me $5.24 worth of poontang.

If we're stopped by the cops this is your brother's car and you don't know what's in the trunk!

There are three words I want to tell you...."You're Too Fat."

Remember when the stripper comes over I do the tipping.

Are you one of Charlie’s angels, or one of Satan’s skanks?

(Man to woman): Wow, you kiss like my sister.
(Woman to man): Wow, you kiss like my father.

My wife doesn't mind that I have girlfriends. They usually baby sit the kids when I take her out.

If you’re into booty, my butt is so big, I could moon Europe!

Do you want to go for a ride in my car? It’s a hot rod!

I usually date attractive girls, but I've decided I really should be with someone more like you.

Wanna free my willy? It’s a whale of a job.

Let's cut to the chase baby…how much?

So let me get this straight, yes means yes, and no means tie you up, right?

Know anywhere to hide a body?

All the voices in my head agree: You look beautiful.

Baby, you look so good I'd bang you in front of my wife's attorney.

I had to kill my (boyfriend/girlfriend) last week. I had to put (him/her) out of my misery.

No need to buy any popcorn, I snuck this whole bucket of fried chicken skin into the movies so we could eat for free.

So which movie do you want to see? "Lord of the Rings?" I heard that was good! I'll be watching "Black Hawk Down". I'll meet you in the lobby when it's over.

I can't believe the car broke down. Could you walk to a service station and call a cab?

Didn’t I see you on the cover of Cosmo?

I don’t like to wear nylons. When I fart, it looks like I have epilepsy.

I got divorced today. I was kind of down before, but it’s OK now; she’s still my sister.

Let’s get hammered, and then I’ll nail ya!

Want a tic-tac? (No, thanks.) Please! Take one!

(To a middle-aged person) At our age, what can we count on in life? Depends, I guess.

(Holding a quarter) Heads it’s your place; tails it’s mine.

What’s with the unibrow look?

Didn’t I see you at Overeaters Anonymous?

Whatever you’re thinking, I hope it’s X-rated.

Which one of you gals wants to come home with me and cook dinner

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